theparentprogram.com

[wouter]

One of the most common effects of having a new born is a dramatic slump in your sex life.
I am not telling you anything new, because I think you probably noticed!
There is hope, but you will need patience!

Just a few of the normal factors you have to deal with:
- Too tired. Sleep, or the lack thereof is totally different with the feeding schedule you deal with, the little or loud crying that gets you up (and walking many many hours singing lullabies in my case)
- Too tired. Breast feeding is hard work. Her body is producing milk all the time. The hours spent feeding are plenty and however enjoyable, they are tiring too (especially when teeth come through!) (Breast feeding can also create a strong connection between breast and feeding and for some women it is distracting in sex)
- Too tired. Being on and going to work and getting back into it again sucks energy in "bucket fulls"

- Her body. Many women have questions about how "will my partner still like my body? Will I still be sexy?"
Apart from the impact of having delivered a baby and being a home and life source for nine months, a woman's own mind isn't always easy on her.
So as the partner who got off easy: be easy on her yourself. Having provided life, she deserves all the love and attention you can give. And so what if it takes a while to get some of that weight off or that her belly isn't strechting back to before. Look around you and see what other women and guys carry in front of them and they sure hope to be sexy too!
Changes happen and most will keep happening, so both of you focus on the person you love more than the body you used to.
And realize that having all these thoughts (for both him and her) is quite normal, but that you don't ahve to focus on them, just let them pass.

- Attention
Long before the baby is born you see the attention shift to the pregant woman. Partners are side-kicks, with little sympathy for that they are in a state of change too!
When the baby arrives, mother and baby are the center of attention.
Everyone sees them, not the other partner! And that can start to bug people. A slump in sex life can become the focus point, the outlet in discusions but it is often a symptom of more.
So, new mom, however you have done you part and are tired and all, do look at your partner and be thankful as well.
Your mood swings, your food needs, your sucking up all the attention for the last 9 months to a year, it gets tring for your partner too.

There are many more things that can impact your sex life.

My main suggestion: Get cozy together and talk about it.You both have feelings, thoughts, desires and aches.
Snuggle up more without expectations, frustrations and enjoy each other.
The more you focus on your love, your new shared parenting as a gift you share together, the more relaxed you will become.
And over time, with that feeling of love as the core, the basis, you will rekindle your sex life, too.

Have fun,
wouter
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Thank you for sharing you tips, questions and positive attitudes with other parents!